We Question the Accused…

Over the past day or so, there has been a maelstrom over on a Steampunk World’s Fair FB Group regarding their harassment policy. As is the case in so many of these online interactions, the discussion is dominated by about a dozen people who are spouting The Great Derailers, grossly exaggerating the myriad of remote possibilities of abusing the policy while undermining the important intention behind it, and spreading general fear mongering. Some are even using bully techniques of mocking well-intentioned statements meant to make the victimized feel safer in cases of sexual violence and nitpicking minor semantic issues by using straw man and slippery slope rhetoric.

In the middle of these comments about the wording of the SPWF’s Harassment Policy (which the organizers have said repeatedly is a living document, and they are open to revising it for further clarification) are accusations that The Order of the White Feather is guilty of vigilantism. These handful of people claim the OWF is a vigilante group because of these two things:

1. We believe the victim. We question the accused.
2. The language around social ostracism for unrepentant rapists and perpetrators of other sexual violence

Some of the comments read as if they think the OWF will have a group of people goose-stepping and waving white feathers who corner and interrogate someone accused of flirting inappropriately under a swinging light bulb in a darkened room, so please allow me to explain further what’s meant by the phrase “We Question the Accused” to clarify this obvious misconception.

Before I go any further, let me make something very, very clear: the OWF is concerned about sexual violence, especially assault and rape. Sexual harassment falls under the spectrum that is sexual violence, and we certainly are concerned about that as well, but the language on this site about ostracism of the unrepentant accused is talking about Sexual Assault and Rape, not botched flirting or taking a photograph without permission. The OWF has no official capacity at SPWF. I’m an invited guest speaker and author who will present on rape culture and hold a white feather creative workshop for those who choose to support our mission. Nothing more. Insinuations that we’ll be policing the event and accosting every accused are both absurd and offensive.

Now that that’s cleared up, I’ll move on to the clarification.

First and foremost, we believe the victim. The traumatized. The person who has been harmed. We believe that they have been hurt by a certain action or behavior. They can come to us because they know they’re safe in doing so. They will be believed. They will not be questioned about details. They will not be forced to justify or explain themselves if they’re not comfortable doing so. We will take them at their word that they feel hurt and/or traumatized without making them “prove” it.

As a culture what we do now is hammer the hurt party with questions. We vow not to do that. Period.

**IF** any questions are asked, they will be asked of the accused. Questions like “What happened?”

Personally, I have no interest in questioning accused rapists or perpetrators of sexual violence or even misogynistic harassers. None whatsoever. I’d rather not have them in my life in any way, shape, or form. When I say “We Question the Accused,” it’s more to emphasize that we DON’T question the traumatized. If, for example, a group of friends had one of their friends come up and say Fred raped her. These friends would believe the accused felt violated and would not ask her for details or justification. As stated on this page, the only question asked to the hurt party is “What would you like to do next?” or “Do you want to  make an official report?” If this group of friends wants more information on what their other friend, Fred, did or what happened, they ask Fred. That’s what I mean by “We Question the Accused.”

Remember, these pages were written with Sexual Assault and Rape in mind.

So, before you go jumping to conclusions after reading eight words, read more about how to talk with the hurt party and inform yourselves about the accountability process we’re proposing for the accused.

No, we weren’t there. We won’t even know what *actually* happened in that room. What’s relevant is that this wo/man before you, vulnerable and scared, has been deeply traumatized.

You have a choice:
A. You can either further traumatize her by not believing her, by asking victim-blaming questions/comments like “why where you there?” “that wasn’t really rape” “that’s a very serious accusation!”, or
B. You can start the healing by saying, “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I believe you. What would you like to do next? I’m here for as much or as little as you’d like to share. You’re in control. I believe you.”

Number next, re: ostracism.

I have a difficult time with people screaming about ostracism and how wrong and unfair and such it all is because these are the same kind of comments and people who ostracized me and other survivors of sexual violence.

Allow me to quote the great Thomas Millar once again (from the must-read “Cockblocking Rapists is a Moral Obligation, or How to Stop Rape Right Now“):

Some people will say that’s rumormongering.  Yes.  Yes, it is.  If stopping rape isn’t a good enough reason to spread rumors to you, then you and I have nothing further to discuss.

Some people will say that it’s unfair to do that, to simply take the survivor’s word, to say things about people without due process.  Well, due process is for the government, to limit their power to lock people up or take their property.  You don’t owe people due process when you decide whether to be friends with them.  You don’t have to have a hearing and invite them to bring a lawyer to decide whether to invite them to a party.  And let’s be honest, most of us repeat things that one person we know did to another person we know based on nothing more than that one participant told us and we believe them.We do it all the time, it’s part of social interaction. (emphasis mine)

All those people who were calling me and the OWF a vigilante group has already done this. They’ve decided, based on very, very little information, indeed, how to socially respond to me and this group. I’ve decided, based also on very, very little information (namely their aggressive comments) that I have absolutely no interest in being friends or even knowing them.

We do that EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. in our communities. That’s ostracism, isn’t it? That’s saying, “you’re not welcome in my circle.”

Now, just imagine the safe places we could create if we used this daily social interaction to ostracize rapists, assholes, bullies, and other horrible people instead of what’s happening now: ostracizing the traumatized and the few who support them all because they’re showing us a painful truth of our culture.

Huh. Imagine that.

As for the Steampunk World’s Fair, they have my complete and unwavering support for their continuing efforts to make the Steampunk Community safer for everyone. Their policy is a strong one, and a strong harassment policy is needed, as confirmed by the very impressive John Scalzi. It comes down to whether or not you trust the organizers to be rational and fair, which I do. For those threatening not to attend SPWF because of the policy, I say it’s a safer event without you there…which means, it will be much, much more fun.

-_Q

Olivia M. Grey lives in the cobwebbed corners of her mind writing paranormal romance with a Steampunk twist, like the Amazon Gothic Romance bestseller Avalon Revisited and it’s sequel, of sorts, Avalon Revamped. Her short stories and poetry have been published in various magazines and anthologies, like SNM Horror Magazine and How the West Was Wicked. Ms. Grey also blogs and podcasts relationship essays covering such topics as alternative lifestyles, deepening intimacy, ending a relationship with love and respect, and other deliciously dark and decadent matters of the heart and soul.

Read more by O. M. Grey on her blog Caught in the Cogs, http://omgrey.wordpress.com

AnachroCon Controversy

Two weeks ago, one of my dearest friends called me to tell me this article was coming out the following week. I listened with compassion and solidarity as he told me that he was DONE. No more. Finit. Enough of this sexual harassment/assault bullshit in our convention spaces. This time the target was a close friend of his, and the (alleged) assailant, the husband of his cherished colleague.

Here’s an excerpt:

AnachroCon 2014, held February 14-16, at the Atlanta Marriott Perimeter Center, announced last week via Facebook that one of its founding members and co-chairmen William MacLeod would be leaving the con. In his original message (dated Tuesday February 18th) he stated, “The Army finally took its toll on me…. After 6 years as Chairman of AnachroCon, I (William MacLeod) am stepping down and turning convention operations over to my beloved co-chair Cindy so that I may focus on medical issues that have begun to plague me even more over the years.”

However, in the two days leading up to William MacLeod’s announcement, accusations surfaced that a member of the con staff allegedly received inappropriate and unwanted verbal and physical advances from the co-chairman. The staffer, who asked not to be named publically but was interviewed at length by a member of the Steampunk Chronicle staff, states that William MacLeod made repeated offers of sex over the weekend and fondled her at the most recent convention. According to the staffer, this was not the first time he had inappropriately touched her, and she alleges a pattern of such behavior going back several years.

A Troubled History

SpC has uncovered a string of allegations against William MacLeod, including a related sexual harassment allegation in the resignation letter of a former AnachroCon Senior Director of Promotions, Dan Carroll, who cited MacLeod’s behavior toward female members of Carroll’s staff. Carroll stated this week, “I resigned from AnachroCon because of the completely inappropriate treatment of women by the Chairman. All of the women who worked under me at the convention had asked me to address the issue. He did not seem to take these concerns seriously. It was my understanding he had taken steps to seek treatment and was working on the problem.” Carroll resigned in 2011. According to Cindy MacLeod, at the time of Dan Carroll’s resignation, AnachroCon, was not as well organized and they were still running it as a “private party.” There was no formal investigation.

A more recent departure was that of Megan Maude, director of the Fashion Track. She alleges that the problem of harassment has been pervasive at the con for a number years.  In a statement to Steampunk Chronicle, she said, “Predatory behavior was being tolerated and even encouraged by the chairman and his friends… I explained my many concerns about the safety of women at the con to Strobel [Charles Strobel, the Director of Programing and Anachrocon LLC Board of Directors member]… There was even talk of having a woman on staff whose only job would be to handle sexual harassment reports…[but nothing changed]… I genuinely don’t feel that I can safely invite any of my younger girlfriends to the con. I don’t want to tell a bunch of girls in their early to mid 20s to come to an event where I’m genuinely afraid they will be sexually assaulted.”

MacLeod has a long (alleged) history of harassing and assaulting women at his convention. Unfortunate for each of his subsequent targets over the years, no one did a thing about it before now.

Additionally, this man MacLeod supposedly spoke quite loudly for the “Cosplay is not Consent” campaign, which doesn’t surprise me in the least. As I’ve said countless times on this blog, offenders have no moral qualms about hiding in feminist ranks–just as they hide in other places like spiritual and sex-positive communities.

Enough.

Enough.

Enough.

I’m so proud of my dear friend for making a stand on this topic. This is what it takes. Every time another person stands up and says NO MORE or I’M DONE and takes action, the space in which these predators and rapists can operate becomes smaller and smaller. Standing up and saying NO MORE, no matter who is accused, and revoking their social license to operate will stop these predators from operating in our spaces.

Let’s make our convention spaces and communities safe for everyone, except those who perpetrate violence, especially sexualized violence. A good start for conventions is to have a response policy in place and posted publicly on its website, distributed in its literature, and announced at opening ceremonies. Join John Scalzi in boycotting events that do not take sexual harassment and assault seriously enough to have an action plan in place.

Join me in boycotting these events and events who continue to schedule known rapists as their musical guest and Guest of Honor (SteamCon & Wild Wild West Con, specifically), and let them know why you won’t go.

Support conventions who refuse to book known assailants like The Steampunk World’s Fair and AnomalyCon.

Read the entire fascinating article on MacLeod and the AnachroCon Controversy in The Steampunk Chronicle.

Warning: NYCC Film Crew Creepers

Friend and colleague Ay-leen the Peacemaker had a creepy experience at NY Comic Con this weekend. Read her entire post about it on her Tumblr page. Here’s an excerpt:

On Saturday, October 12^th, 2013 at approximately 5:30 PM, I was walking through Artist Alley with my friend A, who was dressed as steampunk-version of Death from The Sandman comics. I was dressed in an Asian steampunk outfit (an image can be seen here, taken earlier that day). As you can see in the photo, I was modestly dressed (steampunk!) and carrying my parasol. We had been stopped numerous times for pictures from attendees and interviewed courtesy by another press crew while in the Artist Alley. This is why I didn’t hesitate when a man dressed in a dark T shirt and dark jeans pulled me aside and hurriedly asked for an interview.

My friend A was busy posing for other photographers at the time. I’m noting this in case any other photographer in the room noticed them and possibly took a photo with them in the background.

The creeper interviewer (which will now be known at TCI) was about 5’ 2” – 5’4” tall (we were eye-level with each other), slightly stocky athletic built, short crew cut dark hair, brown eyes and tanned complexion. He had at least three others with him, dressed all in black. One of them carried a full camera with built in sound boom, and one other had a clip board and looked like a production assistant. There was some sort of logo on the cameraman and on the interviewer’s mic (probably some generic “The_____ show” but I couldn’t see clearly).

Read the creepy conversation on her Tumblr page. Warn others about these revolting, offensive human beings. She’s not the only one who has had this kind of experience with these people, although it would be enough if she was.

People have since messaged me saying that they experienced similar incidents with this group. I encourage you to report these events to con security if you are on site. I myself will be emailing the show manager Lance Fensterman (@Lfensterman, Lance@REEDpop.com)

Please email the show manager, too, and report them to NYCC. This kind of behavior must not be tolerated.

These creepers have been identified:

Defining Rape

I wanted to post this particularly today, as the Steampunk Musician who sexually assaulted and technically raped me back in 2011 gets to perform at Dragon*Con this week. I hope Dragon*Con, who knows what he did, have taken some measure to protect other women from his sexualized aggression.

I’ve gotten a few, albeit not many, responses of victim-blaming and slut-shaming in regards to the events of May 2011 and afterwards, so I take this opportunity to define rape once again.

The following is reblogged from Behind the Mask of Abuse.

As you can see by the title this will be a trigger subject for some. Please proceed with caution.

I know I have blogged about rape before, but I have been thinking about how people define rape.  Many may see it as someone attacking you unexpectedly.  You have no time to think, or react.  No strength to fight off the attacker who is stronger.  That is definitely rape.

Many may know, but some may not, there are other forms of rape.

There is date rape defined below:

      forcible sexual intercourse by a male acquaintance of a woman, during a voluntary social engagement in which the woman did not intend to submit to the sexual advances and resisted the acts by verbal refusals, denials or pleas to stop, and/or physical resistance.  I will add to this, that even if you were being intimate consensually, at the point you say stop and or no.  NO MEANS NO.  If you have said “no” at any point, then it is no longer consensual.  It becomes rape/or molestation depending on how far an individual goes.

There can also be rape, by family members, such as a brother, father, uncle, or family friend.  The victim is too scared to stop it and will blame themselves.  The Perpetrator will often feed the victim lies, such as “it is our little secret”  “you are my special girl/or boy”  “if you tell, no one will believe you.” (This sadly is often the case.)

There is also being raped while you are asleep.  If you are sleeping, and weren’t awakened, and asked first, then you were raped.  If you haven`t given permission, it is rape.  If you are under the age of 16 it is considered statutory rape.

A husband can rape a wife or a wife can rape a husband, again if either is told “no” and the other proceeds, even in a marriage, it is rape.  Same goes with girl/boyfriend relationships.

A couple of other types of rape are gang rape, drug facilitated which includes, the date rape drug.  It also includes if you were drunk or high and unaware of what was taking place.

     I WANT TO STRESS, THAT NO MEANS NO!  ANYTHING AFTER THAT IS RAPE.  I also want to say that those of us who have been raped will take the blame on ourselves.  Thinking things like, “I led him on” “I should have stopped him” etc.  IT IS NEVER THE VICTIMS FAULT.  ABUSE AND RAPE LIE SQUARELY ON THE SHOULDERS OF THE ABUSER.

Those of us who have been raped are often too embarrassed to tell, I believe embarrassment is also connected to shame.  We have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.  We did nothing wrong.

If you have been in any of these situations, please tell someone.  If the first person doesn’t believe you, keep telling until someone does.  It is not something you can go through alone.  You may think it is no big deal, or others have been through worse, but it is a big deal.  You can’t compare yourself to others. Your situation hurt you, mentally, emotionally and physically.

You can only shove it down so long before it comes back in one way or another.

I just want to add that women can rape and or abuse men too no one is exempt.

There is hope.

-_Q

Olivia M. Grey lives in the cobwebbed corners of her mind writing paranormal romance with a Steampunk twist, like the Amazon Gothic Romance bestseller Avalon Revisited. Her short stories and poetry have been published in various magazines and anthologies, like SNM Horror Magazine and How the West Was Wicked. Ms. Grey also blogs and podcasts relationship essays covering such topics as alternative lifestyles, deepening intimacy, ending a relationship with love and respect, and other deliciously dark and decadent matters of the heart and soul.

Read more by O. M. Grey on her blog Caught in the Cogs, http://omgrey.wordpress.com

In Solidarity at Silver Goggles

Thank you so much for this, JHA. Thank you, too, for your friendship and continuing support.

Excerpt:

One could say our entire community is made out of fringes, but I think this incident, as well as others, demonstrates just how entrenched most of us in the community are within the larger society; we even swallow their norms and values. Let’s be honest, most of us are in for the shiny. Women still cannot escape rape culture even in steampunk. We may feel slightly safer because we can wear underwear on the outside without necessarily subjecting ourselves to objectifying repercussions and because our men for most part wrap themselves up in the costume and mannerisms of “gentlemen”.

But let’s not be complacent about the fact that we are safe. Let’s not pretend that we are in an alternate dimension where predators don’t exist.

Read the rest here.

Reporting Harassment at a Convention…

Reblogged from Whatever.

If you choose to report, I hope this writing is useful to you. If you’re new to the genre, please be assured that sexual harassment is NOT acceptable business-as-usual. I have had numerous editors tell me that reporting harassment will NOT get you blacklisted, that they WANT the bad apples reported and dealt with, and that this is very important to them, because this kind of thing is bad for everyone and is not okay. The thing is, though, that I’m fifty-two years old, familiar with the field and the world of conventions, moderately well known to many professionals in the field, and relatively well-liked. I’ve got a lot of social credit. And yet even I was nervous and a little in shock when faced with deciding whether or not to report what happened. Even I was thinking, “Oh, God, do I have to? What if this gets really ugly?”

But every time I got that scared feeling in my guts and the sensation of having a target between my shoulder blades, I thought, “How much worse would this be if I were inexperienced, if I were new to the field, if I were a lot younger?” A thousand times worse. So I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders and said, “Hell, yes, use my name.” And while it’s scary to write this now, and while various people are worried that parts of the Internet may fall on my head, I’m going to share the knowledge — because I’m a geek, and that’s what we do.

Read the entire article at Whatever… where the author goes on to give tips on reporting

John Scalzi is all kinds of awesome, and I’m thrilled to see he posted this story on his popular blog. I was first alerted to the awesomeness of Scalzi when he wrote “A Fan Letter to Certain Conservative Politicians” from the POV of a rapist. Pure brilliance. If you haven’t read it, read it now. Seriously.

Next time I heard something from Scalzi was when he responded to the SFF sexism scandal a few weeks back, and I was impressed yet again. He stepped up and took full responsibility as the president of  SFWA. Since my experience with most people have them running away from any sort of accountability and responsibility, even when it’s clearly theirs, Scalzi’s integrity stood out in his response to the offending article. Whether or not it’s related to this issue, his tenure as president has come to an end, and he still shows that same level of integrity so rarely seen in people.

Sffragette & Backup Ribbon

Here are two organizations doing something similar to The Order of the White Feather. Check them out and give your support.

Sffragette:

We’ve made it to the future, but women are still fighting to be treated as equals in the SF/F community, enduring sexual harassment at conventions on a regular basis, and often being told to pipe down or “that’s just the way it is” when we raise the issues. It’s time for real change. Read more on our About page.

Backup Ribbon:

The Backup Ribbon Project is a fan-run project to allow fans to back up each other at science fiction conventions and other geek gatherings. We distribute bright purple ribbons that say BACKUP in large friendly letters.

If you take a ribbon and wear it at a con or other geek gathering, you are agreeing that if you see a fellow fan being harassed, you will find a way to help.

We do not judge. We do not make exceptions. We got your back.

Read more…

The latter sounds very similar to the OWF Vow: Believe Her. So wear both! A white feather and a Backup Ribbon. Wear the Sffagette pin, too!

We will not tolerate harassment in our community.
We will not tolerate sexism in our community.
We will not tolerate sexualized violence in any for in our community.

We’ll make our community unsafe for predators.
We will do that.

-_Q

Just found out about this one, too: Nerdiquette 101

All of us doing this at once. It’s reaching cultural mass. Predators, your social license to operate has been revoked. We are watching, and we will never be silent again.

More than a Meat Market

I’ve been a yes-girl in my steampunk community for a while. Anytime I’m asked to help with something I say, “Yes. What do you need?” My talents are limited, but it turns out I have a knack for dressing well and looking cute, so more often than not my contributions are posing for a camera and letting people use the results. This year I was asked if my image could be used as a place holder for a page three girl slot in a Steampunk convention’s schedule. The schedule was meant to be in the style of an old newspaper. I said, “Yes, of course as long as it’s tasteful.” I have no qualms with using the sexual nature of humans as long as there is consent involved. However, my picture over/next to an image of a woman’s body divided into cuts of meat. The image was a very classical example of dehumanization and dismemberment (in this case implied) of women in the media. My image was sitting next to the implication that women are meat. Meat to be cut up. Meat to be consumed. At that moment I became meat and I remained meat for the rest of the convention.

Dismemberment of women in media is not a topic talked about often enough. It is so normalized that most people don’t even realize that they are looking at an image of something that was human. The image of a person becomes a part, a chunk, a piece of meat. A woman becomes her thighs, her hips, her breasts. She stops being a person. Once she is dehumanized, she becomes an item for consumption. That is what happened to me and many other women attending this convention.

I’m one of the dismembered torsos in there. I’m the black bustle and red corset with the hip twitch. My head has been cut off. My identity as a human being has been removed, and I’ve been reduced to a headless torso: a piece of meat to be consumed.

The above screenshot was my response to this offensive, dehumanizing video. I was quite displeased that my image was being used without my consent in a dismemberment, creeper-shot style video. To expand a little on the content of this video, there was a mannequin in the mix of female torsos. It is almost completely unrecognizable as such to the point that multiple people on a following thread about this video did not believe it existed. This mannequin served a wonderful purpose in this video. It served to show us that female bodies were being portrayed in such a way that the female bodies were indistinguishable from an actual object.

Later that night the video was apparently deleted after the Facebook altercation. However, instead of a graceful removal of the video with an appropriate apology for objectifying women, there was this:
“And since no one can agree on what is proper or degrading, or ugly or beautiful, dehumanizing or consenting, a proper angle or disgusting view of someone..I have removed the video…The Man who put together video has over 200 hours of video he took at the convention..Those that knew he was video taping you can see they responded by waving or pointing at the camera..the rest were area shots that he took angles and paned up on a scene sorta like scrolling on a picture..Carry on..Find something else to complain about.”

In other words, for “the rest” who did not consent, “The Man” took shots at surreptitious angles reducing human beings to headless tits, hips, and asses in a corset.

The video was removed from the convention’s FB group.

Carry on..Find something else to complain about.

The following comments were along the lines of calling me and my handful of friends who took issue with this video “trolls and haters.” There were a lot of comments about how these “trolls” and “haters” were trying to make everything fail, particularly the convention. One comment that really struck me was, “No statue, monument or plaque has ever been raised to a critic. Just sayin.”

Only they have been raised. Take a moment to think of all of your civil rights leaders. They were critics.

Just sayin’.

Beyond the dismissive nature of most of the retorts, one of the chairs of this con posted a seething post about how much work went into this with little to no pay addressing the audience as, “To All who love and enjoy Steampunk in any way.” In the same response, begging the fact the photographer that filmed this video has over 200 hours of video, he asked, “So..before you attack or put down someone elses work..take a min..think about it..Does tearing down someone’s work really do anyone any good?” He didn’t address the fact that the women in the video were hurt by this use of their sexuality without their consent all the while implying they don’t care for this scene.

So, did my public admonishment accomplish anything? Did my addressing the fact that my sexuality was being used without my consent do any good? Did pointing out that we have been reduced to objects do any good?

This is how the community responded to blatant misogyny and the objectification of community members (paraphrased):

So what?; There are boobs in corsets; This was about the corsets; There were some faces shown; This is clearly just about consent to use faces; Anyone who is uncomfortable with boobs and bustles is going to have a hard time in the Steampunk community; This is art. People can do whatever they want with their art.

Overwhelmingly dismissive.

My body and sexuality were exploited in a way that reduced me to sexually objectified body parts ready for consumption. “Who cares?” the community asks.

I care.

And I am using my voice to say that this isn’t okay. For speaking out against this blatant disregard for consent and sexual objectification of women in my community,  I am getting dismissive, angry backlash.

Women who speak out against sexualized violence get backlash. Jackson Katz in The Macho Paradox says, “Women who dare to break the customary female silence about gender violence are often reminded that there is a price to pay for their boldness. They certainly run the risk of evoking men’s hostility and anger, because to challenge men’s right to control women is to threaten men who see such control as their birthright.”

Right now, in my immediate community, the discussion of how we portray women’s bodies continues. My “tearing down” someone’s work accomplished that. And while the men in charge may not be comfortable, angry even, with this discussion, I won’t be silenced.

I will never be silent again.

So, my request to you is: Carry On. Find Something Else to Complain About.

Don’t stop until misogyny is no longer a problem in our community. I know I won’t.

-_Q

Jenny Choate is a recent University of Michigan graduate. She spends a lot of time playing table top role playing games, larping,or participating in her Steampunk community. The rest of her time is spent reading up on feminist world issues. She is a no wave, intersectionalist, radical feminist.